


Bad at Love

by pretzelmintz



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: ADHD Character, Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, All characters are 20 or older, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Boys Kissing, Bullying, Childhood Friends, F/F, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Girls Kissing, Hurt/Comfort, Iruma Miu Being Iruma Miu, Just a Mention, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Nonbinary K1-B0 (Dangan Ronpa), Pansexual Miu Iruma, Partying, Platonic Relationships, Self-Esteem Issues, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, and they were ROOMMATES, irunaga mostly towards the end, its not bad tho!!! dw, oh my god they were roommates, so if you just want miu angst you can get that too, they're all such good friends!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:22:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretzelmintz/pseuds/pretzelmintz
Summary: “Because I’m bad at love, okay?!” she yells at Angie, who recoils at her outburst. “Fuck, I never figured this shit out! Everyone knows how it works by now! Everyone has dated before, everyone knows what to do when they’re in love, everyone knows how to maintain a relationship! But not me!”//Miu Iruma is bad at love; She can never win when it comes to that.No matter what, it always fails. No one has ever loved her the way she loved them.And no one ever will.That is what she firmly believes.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu (Unrequited), Akamatsu Kaede/Tojo Kirumi, Amami Rantaro/K1-B0, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, Iruma Miu/K1-B0 (Unrequited), Iruma Miu/Yonaga Angie, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 111





	Bad at Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!  
> My god, this fic has been in the works for…… 2 years? I started this in like, 2018, wrote the first 2000 words, then abandoned it when my hyperfixation shifted. Well, now that I’m back into Danganronpa, I figured I should finish this because I was really proud of the concept!!  
> ALSO.... i wrote....... the other 10,000 words.......... all today. My hand hurts like a bitch
> 
> Some notes before we begin:  
> -You see the tag about the ADHD character? Yep, that’s Miu. It isn’t the main focus of the story, but it is mentioned quite a lot. I myself have ADD, and head canon a lot of the characters as having ADD/ADHD (I mean, come on, they were so interested/focused on a certain topic/job that it became their whole life!!!!! Hyper fixation much??) I don’t have the hyperactivity part but I projected my own personal experiences onto her as well. Hope some of you can relate! ^^  
> -The unrequited love is on Miu’s side obviously- I imagine that she falls in love easily (thats the whole plot of this fic!!!) But dw, the other half of the unrequited pairings are NOT mean to her, or reject her. So, no angst in that regard, however…  
> -Miu is a bit… self-loathing. That’s where the angst is at.  
> -There are the SMALLEST hints of Miu/Rantaro and Miu/Kirumi. I head canon Miu as pan- which is how she is represented here. Everyone is so attractive for her!!  
> -All characters are 20 years old!! Again the school system is a bit odd, im not a college student so it may not be an accurate representation,,  
> -That being said, there's no extreme mentions or appearences of nsfw at all! Just kissing. Though, mentions of alcohol drinking occur throughout the story (but they're not underage and no major plot points revolve around intoxication!!)
> 
> Whew that was a lot!! That being said, I do hope you enjoy!

“And he said _yes_!” said Kiibo excitedly, eyes shining, his hands fidgeting in his excitement- as sign of nervousness, too. Miu leaned over the table, sporting a grin almost as wide as her friend’s.

“Good on ya, Kiibs!” she said, giving him a playful slap to the shoulder from across the table. Returning to her previous position, she prodded him further. “So, when’s this happening?”

“Saturday.” he replied giddily. “We’re going to get coffee together. You know, the one near the pet store?”

She nodded. “Yeah, the pet store Hoshi works at, right?”

“Yes!” Kiibo beams, jumping in his seat. “I’m so excited, Miu! And… nervous.”

Miu scoffed. It was just so _him_ \- being scared after being handed an amazing opportunity on a silver platter. If she weren’t there to knock some sense into him, he’d probably decline out of fear. “Please. You’ve been going on about him for months! Don’t let nerves stop you!”

Kiibo straightens up, confidence returning to his teal eyes. “Yes. You’re quite right!”

Rantaro Amami was the boy of Kiibo’s desires. A rich pretty boy, too laid back for his own good- despite his more rebellious demeaner that his accessorizing suggested. Ever since the beginning of the school year, when Amami transferred to their College from abroad in Europe, Kiibo has been smitten with him. Her friend liked to describe him as “mysterious” and “charming”- which Miu couldn’t deny. Despite her lean towards girls, she still found herself ogling at a boy or two- or anything further and in between. Amami was eye candy, she could admit. Even so, she would tease Kiibo relentlessly- seriously, her usually uptight and quiet friend, falling for the stereotypical pretty boy? How basic!

It was alright for her to tease him like that, though; Miu and Kiibo had been friends since they were kids. The Iruma and Idabashi families had always been close, so it was no surprise the two would hit it off. Both of them were majors in Engineering: Kiibo wanted to work in Robotics, and Miu wanted to be an Inventor. No challenge for them, as they had always been particularly gifted mathematicians. It made them the target of certain bullies in primary school, but they always had each other for support- besides, all the praise and acclaim they received throughout their academic lives for their stellar intelligence served as a pretty obvious middle finger to anyone who had mocked them.

At the moment, they were supposed to be studying, but they’d quickly abandoned their work when Kiibo started talking about Amami.

As for where they were, or had been studying, it was Miu’s apartment- the one she shared with her eccentric roommate, who happened to be absent at that moment. They sat at the table in the kitchen of the small room, on chairs that had come with the apartment that were probably due to be replaced.

Just as Miu was about to make an effort to begin studying again, chewing the end of her pencil to stimulate her brain, Kiibo’s phone buzzed and he cried out, eyes widening comically.

“Ah! Amami has texted me!”

Miu dropped her pencil, practically lunging across the table to read the text displayed on his phone. He squawked in protest, but knew that wouldn’t be enough to ward off Miu’s searching eyes.

_“Excited for Saturday :)”_

Miu snickered at the text, and waggled her eyebrows. “Smooth.” Kiibo only blushed further, bringing his phone closer to his face to hide a sickly-sweet smile.

At this point, they’d pretty much abandoned studying all together. Miu stood from her chair and walked towards the pantry, quickly locating the bags of un-popped popcorn- their favourite ‘we should be studying but got distracted’ snack. She placed it in the microwave, watching it spin and slowly begin popping. Her friend’s reflection appeared on the window of the appliance.

She looked back at Kiibo, who was clearly writing Amami back, grinning wide and face flushed, muttering strings of words under his breath. He didn’t notice her eyes on him, too caught up in his little world. Her own smile wavered, but she quickly recovered, sighing.

She wanted to feel happy for her friend- he’d wanted this for months! It was her job to be supportive. She really wished she could match his excitement.

But she couldn’t. And she felt awful.

Because she’d been in love with Kiibo once.

//

Eleven-year-old Miu Iruma paced back and forth in the busy school yard once classes were over for the day. A basketball shot past her- she barely mustered the energy to get annoyed.

Where was he? She was growing impatient. They were supposed to walk home together, and study for their science quiz. The longer she was alone in the yard, surrounded by other bothersome and inconsiderate students, the more vulnerable she was to-

“Ugly pig!”

 _Bullies,_ Miu groaned internally as she heard a shout behind her. This again? When would they give it a rest?

She turned around, facing the bullies that tormented her every day. They sneered at her with their ugly, snotty faces. How badly she wanted to connect those faces to her fist would probably concern her psychiatrist- the one who gave her that medicine that would make her “less impulsive” and “more attentive”.

“Getting real repetitive, it seems. You’ve used that insult before. If you’re gonna bully me, be creative.” she said loud enough to attract the attention of nearby onlookers.

Somewhere in the school yard, a student tried containing a laugh. The head bully narrowed his eyes.

Miu stuck her tongue out at them, and had to physically restrain herself from flipping them off. Who had taught her that? Whatever, she thought it was hilarious. She was totally gonna flash one once those idiots turned around.

But, just as she herself was about to turn around and walk away, she was shoved to the ground harshly. She yelped in surprise, using her hands to stop her fall. They were grazed on the pavement, causing a stinging pain that only worsened under the June sun.

She could hear the same annoying laughter from before.

“How’s that, ugly cow?” he sneered, as his cronies backed him up.

 _Was he going through the list of farm animals now?_ she thought bitterly.

Miu growled in pain. Students around her laughed again- at her, this time. That only stung even more.

Just then, she heard someone yell.

“Stop!”

She smiled. She recognized that voice. Shrill and squeaky, but commanding all the same.

Sure enough, when she looked up, Kiibo was standing in front of her, pointing right at the bullies like some sort of hero of justice.

One of the bullies cooed. “Oooh, Iruma, your boyfriend is here to save you!”

Miu flushed in shock. _Boyfriend?_

Kiibo didn’t stand down. “Leave now, Tetsu, and take your friends with you.”

Surprisingly, that _worked_. Kiibo’s commanding voice seemed to have the power to influence anyone, even annoying bullies.

“Tsk. She ain’t worth it, not with her white knight around. Let’s go.” Tetsu commanded his friends, and they walked away from the duo, muttering.

Once they were further away, Kiibo held out his hand to her. “Are you alright, Iruma?”

Miu took his hand, the contact foreign to her, and stood up onto her wobbly feet. Any sign of pain on her face washed away instantly as she stuck out her tongue and gave her signature laugh- though her face was still flushed.

“A few dip-shit bullies isn’t gonna bring down the great Miu Iruma!” she cackled. He only sighed at her language, but hints of a smile tugged at his round face.

Miu dusted off her skirt and uniform, gripping the straps of her backpack. “So, Kii-boy, still wanna hang at my place?”

//

She couldn’t help but stare bitterly as her childhood friend talked to the boy leaning against the lockers. He was blushing, content, as was Amami.

 _Stop it_ , she mentally kicked herself. _He’s your friend. Be happy for him._

She felt awful. She felt gross. She really should stop staring.

Kiibo Iidabashi- the person who had always been there for her, since their first day of school. The person she spent every free moment with. Studying, playing, gossiping- every activity, they were side by side.

On their very first day of high school, 7th grade, they were quickly singled out as the nerdy kids when every math and science question thrown at their class was intercepted by their raised hands answering in unison. The received the best in Science and Math award as a pair, and they still share the trophy.

When Miu received a love confession from a boy in 8th grade, he was there to cheer her on, helping her build up the courage to respond. When said boy sneered in her face and high fived his friend after successfully pulling off that dare, Kiibo was the one who pulled out of that cafeteria and into an empty classroom as she sobbed and sobbed, murmuring comfort and swearing punishment to those who had wronged her.

When Kiibo’s 9th grade science fair project was demolished by bullies the night before the exposition, Miu snuck out of her house and rushed to his, spending the entire night and morning rebuilding it brighter and better- earning him the winning piece. When he did, he pointed to her as his partner, sharing the praise with her despite the whole project being initially his alone.

When Kiibo confessed he was having identity issues in 10th grade, she supported and helped him figure everything out, until the moment he was proud to come out as Non-Binary to her.

When Miu figured out she didn’t like _only_ boys in 10th grade, Kiibo helped her figure everything out, too- it was because of him that she found she was Pansexual, and he supported her through it all.

Kiibo had gotten her a job at Iidabashi Robotics, essentially guaranteeing her a successful future as the Inventor she’d always wanted to be.

Kiibo had been in her life, every step of the way.

Kiibo. _Kiibo._

She feels nauseous.

The bell rings, a sign she should be heading to her next class.

All she does is stare at Kiibo throughout the whole hour.

//

The door to the apartment is unlocked, and she can hear a familiar humming sound behind the door. A sense of dread washes over her- she was in no state to deal with the sunshine behind the door. She honestly might disintegrate.

Angie Yonaga, a girl of her age and her roommate. She comes from a very religious island, and is a very skilled artist- it’s what she majors in. At Miu’s entrance, she turned away from her canvas and smiled. When Angie smiles, her whole face lights up, eyes like fireflies. She was wearing her usual yellow smock, spotted by bright paint, artist’s toolbelt around her thin waist.

“Hello, Miu!” called the artist. She had a habit of always referring to people by their first names. Miu chalked it up to cultural differences, making no effort to ever correct her. Somehow she believed it wouldn’t make a difference.

“Hey, Yonaga. Didn’t you have classes today?” Miu asked absentmindedly, putting her bookbag down lazily near the kitchen table. Too tired to use any of her signature nicknames.

Angie returned her focus to her painting, only a few strokes of nonsense now, soon a masterpiece. “I finished early!” she hummed, carefully running her paintbrush down the center of the canvas.

Miu fished through the fridge, finally settling on taking the milk carton. Only a tiny amount remained. She unscrewed the top and downed the rest of it. Angie did not react.

Another thing about Angie: There’s no need to worry about embarrassing yourself by doing something weird in front of her. No matter what, Angie is much, much weirder. Always talking about _sacrifice_ and _rituals,_ or bringing her creepy masked friend- Shitguji, Iruma had dubbed him- into the apartment. Miu was convinced his presence cursed the place.

Still, it was… oddly charming. Miu feels like she can actually be herself in front of her, somehow.

Miu took a seat at the table, drumming her fingers on the wood- her most common fidget. “What’re you painting?”

“At the moment, I am not sure!” said Angie. “I am letting Atua guide me.”

At this point, Miu considered Atua their third roommate. They even left a third seat empty at the table at all times, never to be occupied. That was God’s seat, thank you very much.

Miu scoffed. “Leave it to you to say some spiritual shit instead of a straight answer.”

Despite the harsh remark, there was no bite to her words- she couldn’t muster up the energy for it.

Angie paused abruptly and turned to look at her with her piercing blue eyes. Miu eyed her, confused.

“Uh…”

Angie set her brush down on the easel and approached her, expression unwavering. Miu felt her body scrunch up on instinct.

“Something’s wrong, yeah?” she said, leaning over her arms on the table.

Miu could only blink in continued confusion. “What?”

Angie crossed her arms. “Angie can recognize when you’re being your usual, non-harmful self, or your upset, insulting self. You are upset?”

“Since when can you read people so well?” answered Miu, narrowing her eyes.

“So, you _are_ upset?” the artist repeated, completely dodging the question.

“What’s it to ya?” Miu growled. “None of your business.”

Angie looked slightly hurt. Miu couldn’t bear the look on her face- like that of a kicked puppy, much like Kiibo’s. She sighed.

_Damn my soft spot._

“Sorry, sorry, yeah I’m… upset.”

Angie took the seat adjacent to hers. Suddenly, Miu was back in her therapist’s office, seated near someone who keeps asking her questions she couldn’t answer with her parents watching.

“Does Miu want to talk about it?”

This time, however, her parents aren’t here.

“…you know Kiibo, right?”

“Yes!” Angie beamed. “He is very nice! He’s the spiky blond haired boy who comes here often, yeah?”

Miu nodded. “Yeah. Well… he has a boyfriend now.”

Angie was suddenly quiet. Something flickered in her eyes. “Is… that a problem?”

Miu flinched. “No, no, no! I mean, its not a problem that he likes guys! But…”

She quivered under Angie’s stare. She wasn’t used to being too vulnerable.

“…I… had a crush on him.”

Angie deflated. “Oh.”

“And I’m happy for him, really! He’s been crushing on this guy for ages! But… I can’t help but feel… jealous. And I feel awful about it.”

Angie nodded along. The words were spilling out faster than Miu could control them.

“Every time I see them together, I feel sick because I can’t stop myself from imagining… I was in his place.”

Angie’s gaze was unreadable. She wasn’t a very… nuanced person. Miu had only ever seen her wear two expressions: joy and curiosity. And the two looked very similar.

“Angie knows how you feel, Miu. Having someone not like you back.”

Miu scoffed. “Yeah, right. You’re just saying that.”

“No. I’m serious.”

Miu goes silent.

“I know it has to hurt. Angie understands. But the best way to handle this is to support Kiibo.” she murmured. Like she… had experienced this firsthand.

_Since when has Angie been this… open and sincere…?_

///

Winter exams suck. Wholeheartedly. Yet there sits Miu, in the school library, studying with tunes blasting through her earbuds. She stares down at her math worksheet. She’s a fucking aspiring inventor, for fuck’s sake. Math is easy.

Except that her brain is all jumbled and messed up, and the problems blur onto the page. She briefly thinks back to the bright orange pill dispenser on the kitchen counter of her apartment, labelled for every day of the week, and constructs an image of it in her mind- the tiny box for today still has a pill inside.

_God damn it._

Kiibo is usually her main motivator. Unfortunately, her study buddy is off studying with _Amami_ , who isn’t as naturally gifted in the maths as they are.

 _Amami, Amami, Amami…_ Miu grumbles to herself, before that familiar nausea worms its way back into her stomach. _Fucking stop that, you jerk._

“Hey!”

Miu barely hears the sudden voice over her music and guilt, but she notices someone pull out the chair next to her. She pauses her music and pulls her earbuds out. It’s another student.

The girl is unzipping her bag, taking out her things. Long blonde hair falls over her shoulders.

Kaede Akamatsu.

_Oh, boy._

“Sorry about this,” Akamatsu winces. “The other seats are taken, or are empty at a table surrounded by random guys. You’re the only one I really know here. Iruma, right?”

Miu pretends it doesn’t bother her. “Tch, yeah. And you’re Akamatsu. The piano prodigy.”

Akamatsu’s cheeks flush, and she holds up her hands. “Oh, that’s an exaggeration! I just like piano a lot…”

Miu subconsciously looks the girl up and down- and notices the music note hairpins in her bright blonde hair. “Mhm, sure.” she looks at her binder, which, of course, has music motifs plastered all over it, as well as one word in cursive. “Math?”

Akamatsu sighs, staring at her binder, defeated. “Yeah. I haven’t really done much studying yet…” she admits. “I’m not that good at math.”

Miu gets an idea in her head. A terribly stupid idea.

“Do you… want to study with me…?”

_What are you doing?_

Akamatsu immediately brightens up. “Really? You’d do that? Thank you so, so much!”

Miu feels blinded by her bright smile. “Mhm. Got any particular methods of study you want to use? I don’t really have anything specific, so we can just go with yours…”

“Thanks so much!” Akamatsu flips through her binder. “I actually study better with cute girls.”

Miu sputters, losing her concentration and whipping her head around to stare at the other girl. “What!?”

Akamatsu stares, perplexed. “I study better with cue cards.” she holds up a stack of small papers, filled with notes.

Miu deflates a bit. “Oh. Yeah yeah, so do I... yeah.”

She’s talking absentmindedly. She made a fool of herself. Akamatsu doesn’t seem to notice. She’s back to smiling.

She hands her the cue cards, and Miu flips through them. She notices a few mistakes, so she points them out. Honestly, she feels like she’s walking on eggshells.

Akamatsu listens intently, correcting the cards with a sparkly purple pen as Miu speaks. The colour matches her eyes, Miu notes.

_Fuck. Shut the fuck up. Dumbass._

“You’re smarter than I thought, Iruma!” says Akamatsu, sounding surprised. Then she abruptly covers her mouth, eyes widening. “Sorry! That was so rude, holy cow…”

“It’s cool. I actually get that a lot. I mean, I kinda have to be good at math, since I work part-time as a robotics engineer’s assistant…”

“Really?!” Akamatsu yells, much to loud for the library. “That’s so cool!”

Usually, Miu would use that praise to boost her egotistic image, but she only manages to speak a little, “Thanks.”

She briefly wonders what’s wrong with her.

“Do you work for Iidabashi Robotics?”

Miu nods. “How’d you guess?”

“You’re always hanging out with Kiibo Iidabashi, so it makes sense.” then she raises an eyebrow. “Or… are you dating?”

Miu’s brain does a summersault. “No… no, no! We’re not- we’re childhood friends!” she stammers. Akamatsu just nods, not acknowledging her brief panic, and they get right back to studying.

As they go along, Miu catches herself looking over at Akamatsu while the girl doesn’t notice. She sees the littler details; faint freckles over her nose. Faint streaks of auburn in her otherwise pale blonde hair. Calloused hands. Chipped and bitten fingernails. The fact that Akamatsu would sometimes stare straight at the pages, eyes clouded, before snapping to attention again. That she would sometimes fidget with the pink elastic bands around her wrists.

In her head, Miu’s brain was screaming.

_Stop!_

_Not again!_

_You know how this’ll end!_

And yet, as always, her heart led her on, blindly.

//

Angie is watching some sort of TV program when Miu enters the apartment after classes, feeling floaty. The artist beams from where she lays across the couch of their living room.

“Hello, Miu!” she calls, sitting up. “Classes were good today?”

“Yeah yeah, great.” she manages to say, making a beeline to the kitchen as usual.

“Ooh, Miu seems very happy! Something good must have happened!”

Miu stops in her tracks halfway across the apartment, turning to meet Angie’s gaze quizzically. “What do ya mean?”

Angie smiles, pointing right at her. “You are grinning and your face is red! Miu usually never smiles when she comes home from school!”

Miu internally groans. _Guess I didn’t realize I was smiling._

“Can’t I smile because I feel like it?” she asks harshly.

“Of course, that is no problem! Angie loves seeing you smile!” Angie explains quickly. “But seeing it like this is so rare! So? What happened?”

_No getting out of this one, it seems._

Miu sighs and relents. Angie was just going to keep bothering her until she talked.

“Well, I… spent time with a nice person.” she mutters. Angie’s eyes light up.

“Ah! There it is!” she yells. “Miu’s face is all rosy and melty again! Who was it? Does Angie know this person?”

“Ah, probably not…” she shrugs, willing her face to become stoic again. She has no idea if it’s working, but judging by Angie’s unwavering smile, it isn’t. “She’s a Music major at my school.”

“Does Miu… _like_ this person?”

“Well yeah, she’s nice, definitely not a bad person…”

Angie shakes her head. “No, no, not _that_ kind of like. I’m asking, do you _LIKE_ like her?”

Miu stiffens at that. “W-what?”

Angie lets out a joyous laugh. “Nyahaha! Now Miu’s face is less rosy, it’s more tomato! You do!”

“Shut up!” Miu yells, mortified. “Maybe I’m turning red because it’s _too damn hot in here_! Seriously, did you turn up the temperature again?”

She wasn’t evading the topic; it really _was_ hot in the apartment. Angie seemed to like it that way, so Miu usually didn’t bother her about it, but now she hoped it was the explanation for why she was turning red. The only _other_ explanation would be… no good. Definitely no good.

“Nope! Angie kept it cool today, since it is already so hot outside! It’s at the temperature that Miu likes! Which means…”

_Fuck._

“…that Miu has a cruuush!” she finishes with a flourish, leaping from the sofa to skip over to Miu, looking up at her with bright eyes.

Miu can never seem to escape those eyes. They always seem to manage to goad anything out of her- secrets and admissions she would usually keep in her thoughts.

For some reason, being near Angie makes her _want_ to be vulnerable. To spill what’s on her mind, whatever’s bothering her or making her happy. No one had ever made her feel like that before. People have only ever made her feel terrible for it.

Must be Shitguji’s fucking curse.

Yes. The only possible reason for that.

“I…” Miu stutters. “Fine. Yeah, okay, maybe I have a crush.”

Angie giggles with glee, before grabbing Miu’s wrists in her excitement. The touch is foreign to the inventor, so she stiffens immediately, but makes no effort to shake her off.

“This is so wonderful, Miu!” she exclaims, shaking Miu’s arms before letting go. Once she does, Miu lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “Will you do anything about it?”

“Eh?” Miu stutters at the question. “You mean…?”

“Well, yes! If Miu likes this girl, then she should absolutely tell her!”

The suggestion paralyzes her, and her eyes go wide. _Tell_ someone about her feelings? A horrible idea. The worst. It never works out. Not for her.

“I-it’s still early for that… I only met her t-today!” she manages to squeak, keeping her other thoughts unspoken.

_Never tell anyone of your feelings. They’ll be disgusted. You’re disgusting._

“Nonsense!” Angie assures her. “Girls like those who are forward!”

“Not necessarily, Yonaga.” Miu informs her. Angie frowns at that.

“Angie told Miu to call her Angie!”

“R-right, sorry, uh, Angie…” she sighs, all those names making her head spin. “But no, it’s better to wait with these things, in my experience.”

_What experience? You’ve never dated anyone. Only loved._

“Confessing too early will only spook them, or unnerve them.”

_No, only when it’s you._

“So it’s better to wait a while.”

_Yeah right, you won’t ever tell her, because you’re a coward._

Angie looks thoughtful for a second, before smiling again- Miu doesn’t miss the smallest sadness in it.

“Okay then! Wow, Miu must be very experienced with these sorts of things! I’m so jealous!”

Miu actually has to suppress a guffaw at that.

_That is the funniest shit I’ve ever heard._

Miu Iruma, experienced it love? _Please._

She’s dealt with crush after crush, tried every method that she could think of- nothing ever worked. Not ever for her.

Tell them right off the bat? They get disgusted and leave her in the dust, spreading nasty gossip about her. How she only wants to be friends with people so she can lure them into romance.

Wait it out and see if they feel the same? Nope. They _never_ feel the same. And they end up moving away or finding someone, and Miu stews in her feelings until the next person she can obsess over comes along to eventually crush her heart to pieces like a fucked-up cycle.

Wait a bit before confessing? Absolutely not. Again, she gets left in the dust, and more rumors are spread about how she tricks people into friendships with her so she can romance them.

Miu Iruma was bad at love, that was all there was to it. Nothing ever worked for her.

Find someone, love them, wait it out, tell them, they leave, she’s alone.

No, not alone- she always had Kiibo.

The nausea returns.

“Is Miu okay?”

Angie’s concerned voice brings her out of her spiral, and she barely manages a signature grin. “Fucking great, thank you very much. Now, what are you watching?”

If Angie senses her dishonesty, she says nothing, instead beckoning her over to the couch in front of the still lit TV.

“Cartoons! Angie knows how much you love them.” she takes a seat, patting the spot next to her. “Come sit!”

As Miu makes her way over to the couch, she briefly wonders how Angie knew that.

//

Akamatsu keeps wanting to see her, so they make these study hangouts more common- they move from the library, to terraces and coffee shops, and before they know it, exam week is over. Students rejoice in the break from school that follows the hellish week; like a rainbow after a storm.

Every single meeting only sends Miu deeper into her pit of feelings, until she’s undeniably and absolutely crushing on Kaede Akamatsu.

Has she done anything about it?

Fuck no.

She’s stuck in her usual predicament.

Miu is busy clearing her locker when she’s approached by Akamatsu, who, as always, is radiating sunshine and joy.

“I still can’t thank you enough, Iruma!” she exclaims. “Because of you, I felt like I actually understood the questions on the pages!”

Miu squints, flushing. “That’s… good to hear.”

Akamatsu leans her back on the locker next to Miu’s. Just as the inventor shuts hers, the pianist speaks up again.

“I was thinking… I feel like words aren’t enough to properly thank you for your help.”

Miu scoffs. “Geez, all I did was help you study. You’re acting like I saved your village from villainous destruction.”

Akamatsu laughs at that, a laugh that makes Miu’s heart stutter.

_Stop that._

“But it’s true!” Akamatsu replies. “I really owe you. I know it’s not much, but… would you like to go out for, I don’t know, smoothies with me? My treat.”

Her heart doesn’t stutter this time. It does a full-on flying leap- through her throat, bouncing off the roof of her mouth, and plunging back down. Like it’s a fucking gymnast or something.

Miu can barely process what the pianist said.

_Holy shit, is she asking me out on a DATE?!_

_Calm down, calm down…_

_She’s staring!_

_Idiot, because you haven’t responded!_

“Uhmm…” Miu manages to squeak. “Y-yeah, that sounds…great.”

Akamatsu, ever unobservant, just grins. “Awesome! I’ll let you finish up here. Let’s meet outside the smoothie place near here- you know the one?”

Miu only manages to nod.

“Sweet!” Akamatsu gives her a thumbs up. “See you in a bit!”

Just like that, she’s gone, leaving Miu alone by the lockers, on cloud nine.

//

Miu finishes up 20 minutes later, and rushes to where Akamatsu said she’d be waiting. She does her best to hide her eagerness and impatience as she has to weave past people on the sidewalks of the city.

If she had more time, she would have headed back to the apartment to change out of her “exam outfit”- essentially, the cleanest combination of sweatshirt and sweatpants she owned. Not exactly appropriate attire for a date but she absolutely didn’t want to keep Akamatsu waiting. She stopped for nothing- not for Kiibo’s texts, that were making her phone vibrate, or for any dogs she passed along the way. Scandalous.

No one has ever asked her on a date before. She’d never been on one- sure, she’s asked others before, but as it was previously established, no one ever reciprocated her feelings.

So, to not only be going on a date, but _being_ the one _asked_ to? It was so surreal. The bad part of her mind told her not to get her hopes up, as usual, but for once, she chooses to ignore it, against all better judgement.

Eventually, she finds Akamatsu exactly where she said she’d be- right outside the smoothie place. She’s also in the same clothes she had been in earlier, bright sun making her blonde hair practically glow. Miu is stunned.

She really is beautiful.

Miu nearly calls out her name as she approaches her…

…but as she gets closer, she notices someone standing next to the pianist.

A slightly taller girl, seemingly of the same age, with short curled silver hair that fell over her left eye. She was wearing a dark grey turtleneck, despite the blistering heat. Another _very_ pretty person.

Miu walks up to the two of them, struggling to maintain her small smile. “Yo, Akamatsu, sorry if I’m late… uh, who’s this?” she gestures towards the other girl, who stands with perfect posture, hands behind her back.

Akamatsu, cheerful as ever, grins back at her. “You’re not late, no worries!” then she holds out her hand to the other girl, who takes it. Their fingers intertwine. Miu stiffens.

_No._

“This is Kirumi Tojo.” she says. A flush appears on her face. “My girlfriend.”

Miu’s stomach drops.

_You should have fucking expecting this. You think someone would want to go on a date with someone like you?_

The voice is back, mocking her for ignoring its earlier warnings. She deserves this.

“And you must be Iruma,” Tojo says with a small smile. “Kaede has talked quite a lot about you, how you helped her with exams.”

The use of Akamatsu’s first name makes Miu wince. Tojo doesn’t notice.

“I would have helped her with it,” she continues, unobservant, “but unfortunately, my own work was quite demanding. But thank you, really. You must be a smart girl.”

Against every bone in her body, or any common sense in her brain- Miu actually _blushes_ at the praise. She damns herself for being so weak- and others for being so… beautiful.

Speaking of beautiful, seeing Akamatsu flush in embarrassment is certainly a sight.

“Kirumi is always so busy,” she starts, “but this afternoon, she finished early! Since we rarely get to spend time together, I thought I’d bring her along for this. You don’t mind, right…?”

Akamatsu’s curious gaze is suddenly on her. Miu hesitates.

_Yes, you do mind. You absolutely do. Because you’re selfish and entitled._

“Not at all,” Miu lies.

The smile she gets in return makes her stomach knot.

//

Once inside, they find a place at a booth- Akamatsu and Miu sit on one side, facing Tojo, each sipping their respective beverage. Miu expects nothing less when Akamatsu seems to get the most sickeningly fruity option, something with about ten different fruits that Miu doesn’t bother remembering. Tojo gets water because _of course_ she does, seemingly too ‘proper’ and ‘elegant’ to indulge in anything sweet. Another jab at Miu’s entire existence.

The inventor gets a Slushy, bright blue raspberry she knows will coat her tongue and make her look stupid but at this point she couldn’t care less.

The brain freeze numbs the bitter voice in her head- for now.

Of course Miu should have expected all of this- she was a fool for getting her hopes up. She had actually heard of Tojo before, with her being the maid to some important and wealthy figure in the city. Renown for her incredible intellect and skill, and her caring nature- everything that Miu was not. Sure, she was math savvy, but only when her brain allowed it- and only when she took her medicine. She was practically useless at any other time. And caring? Please, Miu’s vulgar attitude was sure to scare off any new potential friends- Kiibo being the only one to have stayed all this time. And look how that turned out.

If calm, caring and skilled was Akamatsu’s type, then Miu was certainly nowhere near in her range.

That, and she already had a girlfriend. That pretty much decimated any chance she may have previously had.

The three of them talked for a while, Miu basking in their presence. Every so often, she finds herself casting glances at Akamatsu, who’s entire face softens whenever Tojo so much as opens her mouth to speak. The sight is nauseating. Then the guilt is nauseating.

The two other girls are considerate enough to involve her in the conversation- it’s the least they can do, she figures, for making her the third wheel of this entire thing. Miu wants nothing more than to leave these two to their things, and taking her measly contributions to the discussion with her.

 _Tch. Looks like I did end up on a date_ , she thinks bitterly to herself. _Just not my own._

“So,” Miu speaks up, looking between the two girls. “when did you two get together?”

Akamatsu beams. Like she had been waiting to be given the opportunity to gush.

“Since our last year of highschool,” she informs. “So nearly two years now!”

Miu regrets asking.

“I’d been crushing on her for a really long time before that, though,” she says bashfully while Tojo just smiles. “But she ended up being the one to ask me out!”

The silver haired girl looks so fond, Miu thought she might collapse from the sickly sweetness of it all.

“We live in an apartment together, actually.” Tojo says. “We’re planning on moving to the suburbs once we graduate in a few years.”

_Damn. They… really seem to be planning to spend the rest of their lives together._

Miu doesn’t think she can stand this any longer. She feels like a wrench in their relationship, like her selfishness would ruin everything. Who was she to get in the way of what they had together?

She abruptly stands up, suddenly eyeing her phone. The other two eye her curiously.

“Sorry,” she mutters. “Emergency. My roommate started a fire in our kitchen. Gotta go… sort that out.”

That was a lie. Though… not like it had never happened before.

Akamatsu’s eyes widen. “Oh, geez! That sounds urgent! Do you want us to help?”

_No!_

“Nah, it’s fine. You two enjoy the rest of your date.” she can barely keep the bitterness out of the word _date_. Tojo notices, narrowing her pale eyes, but says nothing about it, only nodding.

“Very well, then. Good luck, Iruma.”

“Yeah!” Akamatsu beams. “Thank you again for all your help, Iruma! We should all hang out again sometime!”

As Miu leaves the shop in a hurry, she thinks to herself about how she’d rather bury herself alive than get between those two ever again.

//

There’s no fire when she enters the apartment, of course; only the sight of Angie sitting at the kitchen table, next to _fucking Shinguji._

_Fucking perfect, absolutely stellar, this day only gets even better!_

She must have opened the door a bit too harshly, because it slams on the wall next to her, and the two at the table stare her with wide and curious eyes, pulled from their conversation.

“Miu…?” Angie asks tentatively.

“Fucking hello, _Yonaga_. See you brought your weirdo friend.”

There’s a harsh bite to her words- Angie visibly recoils at her tone. A flicker of guilt passes through Miu, but she shakes it away, storming past them to her bedroom down the small hallway.

Angie calls after her. She ignores it as tears well in her eyes.

_Are you really crying? What’s wrong with you?_

These thoughts follow her as she slams her bedroom door, plunging her room into near darkness. She makes no effort to turn on the light or open the curtains, only jumping onto her bed and gritting her teeth.

Her tears manage to stay in her eyes, threatening to spill, but soon disappearing as she wipes them away. Lying on her back, she stares up at the ceiling in a bubble of her own self-loathing.

Outside the room, she can hear shuffling and muttering, and then a door opening and closing- the door to the apartment. This is followed by a few moments of silence, until she hears footsteps approaching in the hallway. God damn it.

The anticipated knock on her door echoes through the room. A quiet voice sounds from the other side.

“Miu…? Are you okay?”

“Fucking peachy, obviously.”

She grits back a few more tears. The sound of the knob being turned makes her sit up instantly. She forgot to lock the fucking door.

Angie stands in the doorway for a few moments, eyes full of concern, before turning on the light, exposing Miu’s pathetic form. “Korekiyo was just about to leave, I’m sorry. Angie texted you that he was here, but you didn’t respond.”

Miu thinks back to her buzzing phone as she raced towards her ‘date’. So, that hadn’t been Kiibo. Great. Now she looks like an even bigger jerk.

Angie approaches carefully as Miu avoids her stare, biting her nails. Suddenly, Angie is sitting on the edge of Miu’s bed.

“Does Miu want to… talk about it?”

Her voice is soft. Miu makes the mistake of looking right at her.

Damn those eyes. Why do they always make her want to vent everything?

“I made a dumb fucking mistake, is all.” she laughs dryly. “It’s all my fault.”

Angie only stares, prodding her into continuing. Miu can only oblige.

“The person I liked asked me out for smoothies- I thought it was a date. W-when I got there, she introduced me to her _girlfriend_ ,” Miu winces, “and I ended up third-wheeling the entire time.”

Angie’s face contorts into an expression so sad Miu wants to scold herself for putting it there.

“Miu… Angie is so sorry…”

“Why are you apologizing?” Miu bites. “You didn’t do anythin’. It’s my own fucking fault for getting my hopes up. For thinking Akamatsu… owed _anything_ to me.”

Angie freezes at that. There’s some sort of… _fear_ in her eyes. “Akamatsu…?”

“Kaede Akamatsu. The one I told you about. The girl I… _like_ liked.” Miu fills in. She had never told Angie her name.

The artist says nothing, only continues to stare in rigid shock. Miu had never seen her like this. Why was she so… upset? It’s not like she knew… her…

Realization hits Miu like a truck.

“You know her, don’t you.”

The guilt on Angie’s face is as clear as day. She bites her lip and averts her gaze, tightening her clasped hands.

“A-Angie didn’t know… _Kaede_ was the girl you liked. Angie would have… told… you… that she…”

“That she was dating someone.” Miu finishes for her. Angie immediately whirls to face her desperately.

“I’m so s-sorry!” she yells. “It’s Angie’s fault that Miu got hurt! Angie would have- A-Angie _should_ have-“

Miu brings a hand up to silence her. “Shut the hell up.” there’s no malice in her words, despite how harsh they seemed. “You didn’t know because I didn’t _tell_ you. That’s on me. It’s also my fault for getting caught up in feelings so quickly. Seriously, one week?” she forces a laugh, “How pathetic!”

Angie goes silent, her features softening. Her blue eyes still stare right at her, and Miu feels like they’re seeing right through her façade.

When the artist speaks again, it’s in a soft whisper that Miu nearly misses.

“Why do you blame yourself for falling in love?”

The question sends Miu’s entire conscious spiraling, while outwards, her body freezes. She blinks once, twice, as Angie waits for a response, expression unwavering.

Why does she blame herself? The answer seemed so painfully obvious to Miu. Years of self-loathing and failed crushes have made her what she is today- a mess of a human being who can’t ever do anything right. When something goes wrong, she is the one to blame.

The answer is so painfully _obvious_.

So _why_ can’t she say it?

“I-I…”

She stutters out in an attempt to respond, but feels her throat closing up- the rest of the words get stuck and she can’t force them out.

“You always say it’s your fault when it doesn’t work out,” Angie continues when it’s clear Miu won’t, or can’t respond. “ _Why?_ ”

The words suddenly come flying out of her throat, tearing the inside of her mouth like sharp claws.

“Because I’m bad at love, okay?!” she yells at Angie, who recoils at her outburst. “Fuck, I never figured this shit out! Everyone knows how it works by now! Everyone has dated before, everyone knows what to do when they’re in love, everyone knows how to maintain a relationship! _But not me!_ ”

Angie just stares.

“So of _course_ it’s my fault! I can’t expect others to work around it for me! I can’t expect that they’ll make up for my inexperience! _I_ have to learn how it fucking works! Everything only fails because I’m too scared or bitter _to make it work!_ ”

She finishes with a screech, and suddenly she’s crying, tears she put so much effort into holding back now spilling freely down her cheeks as she growls.

Angie is dead silent. Miu doesn’t even bother looking at her.

Until she feels a hand pressed over hers.

When she looks up, Angie is closer than before, staring up at Miu with those _damn_ blue eyes.

“Love… is difficult.” Angie whispers. “But there is nothing to ‘get’ about it. Love doesn’t work any certain way- it just… happens. When two people love each other… and work it out in their own way.”

“Please,” Miu sniffles. “as if anybody could ever love _me_ the same way I love them.”

The look Angie gives her is so full of _something_ that Miu is brought to silence.

“…Somebody could. Miu… you can be certain of that.”

Those words are the last shared between the two of them for the rest of the day.

//

“A party, huh…?”

The next day, Miu finds herself checking in at Iidabashi Robotics. Nothing was needed of her from Professor Iidabashi, but she needed to clear her head from yesterday’s events. It just so happened that Kiibo was there too- she hadn’t seen him all week, since he spent it with _Amami,_ so it was nice to fall into their regular and familiar conversation pattern.

That’s when Kiibo brought up a party, as they sorted machine parts back into their respective boxes.

He nods. “Yes, at Amami’s house. He’s invited many of the other students too, and requested I invite anyone else that I wanted.” he smiles. “So, you.”

Miu’s chest warms at that. She grins.

“That’s awfully nice. Haven’t ever really been to one… where’d you say it was happening?”

Kiibo slips a bucket of parts back onto its space on the shelf. “Ah, Amami’s parents own a house in the suburbs. They just so happen to be away at the moment. He figured that it would be nice to celebrate the end of our first year of school.”

 _A typical house party then, huh_. Miu scoffed to herself. _Like in those dumb movies_.

“Sounds like it’ll be crazy!” she suddenly cackles. “We’ll probably be drinking like rebellious teenagers!”

Kiibo briefly looks up to stare at her quizzically. “We are not teenagers, Miu, and we are of the legal drinking age… there will be nothing ‘rebellious’ about it.”

Miu groans dramatically. “Sheesh, Kiibs, let me daydream a bit! You and I never got the highschool-house-party-with-underage-drinking-that-ends-with-the-cops-being-called! We were too busy studying and shit.” she sticks out her tongue. “God, we were losers.”

“ _Losers_ that ended up graduating top of our classes,” he reminds her. “Besides… I would not like to deal with any police confrontation…”

Miu laughs wildly at his disturbed expression, walking over to slap him on the back.

“Never change, Kiibs.”

//

A car horn honks right outside her apartment window just as she slips on her jean jacket over her black crop top. She hisses in annoyance, walking over to stick her head out the open window, where a less-than-average car is parked by the sidewalk not far below. Someone’s head sticks out the window of the passenger’s seat- she sees a mop of unruly dark hair that shines purple in the setting sun.

“Hurry the hell up, whore!” he shouts.

Kokichi Ouma, that sniveling little bitch.

She fucking loves that kid.

Ouma was Kiibo’s roommate on the college campus. A theatre major with a lying and growth problem who loved to antagonize himself. He and Miu often were at each other’s throats- in a friendly way, of course. Their personalities mixed well, surprisingly, and they loved calling each other by affectionate names- like ‘whore’ and ‘twink’. There was no genuine malice behind any of them, of course.

Grabbing a purse, she slings it over her shoulder and quickly makes her way out of her room, through her apartment, and down the stairs of the building. Thankfully, she doesn’t walk for long- her apartment is only 3 floors from the ground.

Stepping outside onto the sidewalk, Ouma sighs dramatically at her arrival.

“Finally!” he yells, throwing up his arms. “Get in! We’re already late!”

“You can’t be late to a house party, Kokichi…” Miu hears the person in the driver’s seat say as she settles into the suspiciously soft back seats of the car. Shuichi Saihara is at the wheel; Ouma’s boyfriend.

Miu can see Ouma cross his arms and lean back in his chair. “There’s fashionably late, and then there’s _rudely_ late. We are teetering on the edge of inconsideracy!”

Miu almost gags. “That’s not a fucking word, twink.”

“Are you a dictionary?” he challenges her.

“I know I get more _dick_ than you.” she fires back. Ouma gasps in fake but dramatic outrage- he knows she’s lying, obviously- and look at Saihara with pleading eyes.

Saihara just starts driving without a word, Ouma collapsing into his seat in defeat. He shoots her a grin, which she returns.

//

When they arrive at their destination, Miu can’t help but stare in absolute awe.

When Kiibo said Amami’s parents had a house in the suburbs, she didn’t think he meant a fucking _mansion_.

The house is pretty secluded, in an area blocked by a huge open gate, with a road leading up to the front.

Students are already mingling around the imposing building- she sees a pool peek out between the hedges that surround it- and spots a few familiar faces. Namely, Amami and Kiibo, who are sitting on the front porch steps, chatting.

Saihara parks the car a bit further from the house due to the overflowing main driveway, and the three of them immediately exit and head towards the house.

Amami spots them and he stands up on the porch stairs as Ouma begins to run to him, leaving Miu and Saihara walking side by side.

“You guys came!” he called, smiling and stepping down the stairs to meet them. “Thought you wouldn’t show. The party’s pretty much at its peak.”

“We wouldn’t be late,” Ouma says, glaring as Miu and Saihara make it to his side, “if a certain _someone_ didn’t take so long to get ready!”

His eyes are on Miu, who scoffs. Amami then looks at her.

Damn, pretty boy is right. His green hair falls over his equally green eyes in curls, nearly obstructing them. He wears a black casual button up shirt with a sunflower pattern, which hangs slightly loose on his thin frame.

She’d never gotten this close of a look of him, only seeing him briefly in the halls, so her most prominent image of him in her head came from whatever Kiibo told her. Surprisingly, his description had been pretty accurate.

“You must be Iruma,” he says. Miu nods- his voice is quiet and cool. “Kiib’s childhood friend, yeah? I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Miu shoots a quick look at Kiibo sitting on the front steps, who flushes under her intense glare. She transmits him a message through her eyes alone.

_“KIIB”? Nicknames already? Damn!_

Kiibo insisted that people refrain from referring to him as ‘Iidabashi’, but _nicknames_ were another matter entirely. She herself could use them freely- Ouma would use them to annoy him.

He clearly understands her message, because he buries in face in his hands.

“Why don’t you all come in?” Amami suggests, already beckoning them up the stairs. Ouma and Saihara follow him inside, door opening to reveal loud music blaring within.

Kiibo and Miu linger outside for a moment. He stands and she immediately slings an arms over his shoulder.

“So, _Kiib_ , how’s it going with the pretty boy?” she says innocently while he just glares, blushing.

“It… we are… not officially dating… yet.”

Miu recoils in shock. “ _What?!_ ” she screeches, and he shushes her. “Come on Kii-boy, get your mans already!”

“Trust me, I want to!” he hisses under his breath. “But… he’s so… argh, he’s everything I want! If I mess up somehow…”

Miu glares at him, bringing her hands together and taking a deep breath. “With all due respect… what the fucking _fuck_ , Kiibo Iidabashi?!”

“Pardon me?” he says, bewildered.

“He’s everything you want, so you’re scared to make a move?” she parrots, outraged. “Bullshit! That should be reason why you _do_ make a move!”

Kiibo swallows, looking away. “I…”

Miu grips him by both shoulders, staring intensely into his eyes. “If you’re scared of losing him, then suck it the fuck up and make sure you _don’t!_ This is your chance!”

Kiibo seems to consider that. Newfound confidence returns to his eyes, and he grins.

“Yes… yes! Absolutely! You’re completely right!” he yells. “Thank you, Miu! Truly!”

She grins, but there’s a pang in her heart.

With this, she’s officially ruined any small chance she had with him.

Kiibo separates from her and heads to the front door, but not before turning around to address Miu again.

“The same should go for you, Miu. Don’t be afraid… to speak your feelings.”

He enters the house, leaving Miu spinning in her own world- of sadness, guilt- and confusion.

_What… does he mean by that?_

//

The inside of the house is more cozy and ‘basic’ than the outside would suggest, but it still makes Miu’s head spin due to its large size. Looking around, she sees people she recognizes and people she doesn’t lounging on the sofas and on the floors, chatting and drinking from red solo cups.

Despite how uncommon house parties were in their culture, these students all seemed to fall right into the typical setting in those western teenage movies. Amami must have brought this whole ‘house party’ thing with him from Europe.

She spotted Hoshi sitting on a stool in the corner of the room, a friend of Kiibo, chatting to a huge boy with unruly brown hair and glasses- Shinguji was with them, both taller boys standing. Being the first people she recognized, she made her way over to them.

“Yo, Hoshi!”

Hoshi looked up, expression unwavering from its usual tired stare. “Hey, Iruma.” he gestures towards the other two. “These two are Gonta and Shinguji.”

Iruma waves her hand dismissively. “Yeah, I know Shinguji through Yonaga.” she looks at him, hoping he doesn’t bring up her… outburst in the previous days. He simply nods in acknowledgement. Relieved, she turns her attention towards the other guy, Gonta.

“Gonta is happy to meet you, Iruma!” he smiles. His personality doesn’t match his appearance at all, Miu notes. She grins back at him.

Shinguji suddenly speaks up. “Looks like someone is here to see you, Iruma.”

Miu turns around just in time to be tackled by Angie in a brief hug. When they separate, she notices the artist is wearing a loose white shirt with a yellow flower pattern, and a skirt of the same yellow. Her hair is tied into a messy bun, but as usual, two strands flow loosely on either side of her head.

For some inexplicable reason, Miu’s breath hitches at the sight.

“Angie is so glad Miu came!” she says gleefully, bringing Miu out of her stupor. The inventor regains her composure and responds.

“Hello to you too, Angie. Didn’t think you were coming. Though, I thought you were still in the apartment…”

 _…just avoiding me_ , which goes unspoken.

“Yes!” Angie beams, unobservent. “I was invited through Tenko!”

Miu then notices the presence of two other girls behind the artist, standing a bit further away. One is tall, with long braided gray hair, wearing a workout tank top. The other is shorter with red hair that stopped before her shoulders, wearing oversized hoodie that probably didn’t belong to her.

Tenko and Himiko. Miu remembers Angie mentioning those names before, so she assumes this must be them.

For some reason, they briefly stare at Miu with and odd look, something akin to… scrutiny? Miu doesn’t have time to exactly place it before it’s gone, replaced with an energetic smile from Tenko and a more tired smile from Himiko.

Miu nods at them. “Nice to finally meet you two, uh…”

She trails off, suspecting that if Angie referred to them as Tenko and Himiko, then those were probably their first names. Tenko realizes her hesitance and quickly fully introduces herself and her friend.

“Tenko Chabashira!” she says, pointing to herself. Then she points to the other girl. “Himiko Yumeno!”

Miu nods gratefully as Angie beckons her closer to the other two with insistence. The four girls stand in the center of the room, surrounded by noise.

“Isn’t this wonderful?” Angie asks, though it’s less of a question and more of a remark. Yumeno only nods.

“Nyeh… yeah. It’s just really loud…”

As if to punctuate her statement, a gruff voice suddenly yells out, which makes Yumeno flinch and cover her ears.

Chabashira’s eyes fill with concern immediately, crouching slightly in front of the smaller girl.

“Himiko, are you okay?!” she asks urgently, and Yumeno moves her hands to hold Chabashira’s.

Ah.

It was _that_ kind of relationship.

Chabashira stands up and fury immediately washes over her face. She points her glare towards the source of the noise, which Miu sees is a tall guy with pointy purple hair on the couch who has poor Saihara in a death hold, arms tight around his shoulder while another girl in red with long brown pigtails rolls her eyes.

“ _Momota!_ ” Chabashira screeches, stepping urgently towards the group. “Tenko is going to _murder_ you, _degenerate!_ ”

“Ah, there goes Tenko, as always.” Angie sighs. “Well, Angie promised to go see Tsumugi upstairs, but I will see you later, Miu! Promise!” she flashes a smile and a peace sign, walking away from Miu as Momota screams into the air.

 _Promise?_ Miu wonders. _Eh. Probably just another quirk of hers._

She smiles fondly. Then she wonders why she did that.

//

Time passes, though she isn’t exactly sure how much. She takes a few drinks here and there, but it’s all just punch- Amami purposefully kept any actual alcohol bottles away. The taste of the punch is so sweet it makes Miu gag, so she avoids it throughout the night. Because of that, she can’t get drunk.

Maybe it’s for the better, though. She was already so impulsive, she slightly feared what alcohol would do to her. That, and she wasn’t in a hurry to find out what kind of unholy effects an Adderall and Vodka combination would produce- surely something that would leave her incoherent throughout the night.

She explored the house throughout the hours- Amami set up a game of ‘beer pong’ outside in the backyard, so she went there to watch. Hoshi won, of course; in a game of precision involving ping pong balls, he was vastly superior to everyone else.

Then, Ouma announced he would do a flying backflip off the diving board of the pool, so she moved there just to watch him faceplant into the water with a loud _slap_. Highlight of the fucking night.

Eventually, Kiibo dragged her to meet his other Engineering friends, Souda and Fujisaki in the kitchen, and the four of them talked obsessively about the subject for ages, before she was taken away again.

That time, it was Amami again, bringing her to the basement where an odd assortment of people was gathered in a circle in a game of _Never Have I Ever_ , something else he most likely brought from Europe. Miu was lucky to not have to reveal anything embarrassing about herself. Momota and Saihara were not so lucky, the two of them flushing when the question came to ‘never have I ever _been with_ anyone in the room’. Turns out they had briefly dated two years ago.

Throughout the night, she was constantly dragged from place to place, person to person, until she was acquainted with everyone at the party. It was only when Ouma suggested a game of Truth or Dare that she decided she needed a little breather, heading to the balcony upstairs that overlooked the backyard.

Sitting on the white cushioned seat, she basks in the warmth of the summer night- or was it early morning? Either way, the sky was dark, dotted by specks of stars. The only thing lighting up the area were the Christmas lights Amami had decorated the house with for the party, and the fluorescent blue light from the pool just below, casting swirling flecks of light as the water moved.

She stays there for what seems like forever before her peace is disturbed.

Behind her, someone opened the sliding door to the balcony, stepping closer and taking a seat in the identical chair next to Miu.

The inventor looks up to greet or shoo the visitor, depending on who is was, but was met with the sight of Kaede Akamatsu.

The girl was in a pink graphic T-shirt and ripped jeans, blonde hair tied up in a messy ponytail.

And she was… breathing weirdly.

She looked almost out of breath, face flushed and ears red, scrunching up her body so her shoulders reach her neck. She meets Miu’s eyes.

“H-hey, Iruma!” she suddenly startles, eyes widened. “I didn’t think… someone else was here…”

Miu found that odd, considering she was right out in the open. She looked Akamatsu up and down quizzically, confused at her behavior…

…before suddenly remembering who else she had seen earlier at the party, being dragged away by the blonde girl right next to Miu.

She smirks. “Had fun with Tojo?” she deadpans, holding back a laugh when Akamatsu’s face goes dark red almost instantly.

“F-for your information, yes!” she yells, which actually does make Miu laugh- her signature cackle mixing with Akamatsu’s giggle in the air.

The two fall into a comfortable silence, staring off into separate directions, until Miu notices Akamatsu’s fingers drumming on the chair’s arm, making a clicking noise.

When she notices the inventor’s stare, she quickly stops and apologizes. “Habit. Need to… keep my mind occupied all the time.” she smiles, embarrassed.

“Heh, same here.”

Akamatsu gaze becomes more intense, her excitement written all over her face. “Really? Then, are you also-“

“Since I was eight.” Miu cuts her off, already anticipating the nature of her question. Akamatsu’s smile only widens.

“Six for me!” she exclaims. “How I even got through elementary and high school, I have no idea…”

“Same here.”

Akamatsu just scoffs. “Still, your fixation is engineering, right? At least that’s helpful for math and science.” she sighs. “Piano? Not so much.”

“Guess you’ve got a point. But hey, look now- soon you’ll be out and studying music fully. They can’t get you with meaningless filler topics then.”

Akamatsu smile softens at that. “You’re right. Then I’ll be unstoppable!” she pumps her fist and the two of them fall back into silence.

Miu’s gaze can’t help but fall back onto Akamatsu after a few minutes. She looks stunning in the colourful light, cheeks rosy from the warmth of the air and… most likely what had happened earlier. Her eyes gleam with determination and joy- Miu doesn’t think she’s ever seen such a happy resting face.

She can’t take it anymore.

“I like you, Akamatsu.”

The pianist smiles. “I like you too, Iruma.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Akamatsu’s smile suddenly drops, and Miu scolds herself for being the cause.

“You… what?”

No stopping now.

“I…” she takes a deep breath. “I _like_ like you. I think you’re pretty, sweet, and way to patient with someone like me. Ever since that day in the library, I…”

“Iruma-“

The words are spilling out faster than she can control them.

“I fall in love too easily. All it took was your kind smile and positive attitude and I was struck. So when you introduced me to Tojo, I…”

“Hey-“

“I know you’re already dating her, trust me, I have no desire to get in the way of that. But this is all I can do to make those feelings go away! So please! Reject me so I can stop feeling so _guilty and selfish_!”

She yells the last words out into the night, hearing it fade into silence. Akamatsu stares at her with her mouth slightly open and eyes blinking, the lightest blush dusting her cheeks.

Miu closes her eyes and waits with bated breath for the onslaught of outrage and disgust. She keeps them closed so she doesn’t have to see the hatred in Akamatsu’s usually bright eyes- that would make her heart break even more.

Nothing. Only silence. She doesn’t understand. What was happening?

She opens her eyes.

There’s no fury in the pianist’s eyes, no anger or fear- only _pity._ Miu decides that’s much worse.

Until Akamatsu speaks.

“…Iruma.” she begins. “I… had no idea. I’m sorry that I lead you on…”

Miu’s heart drops. Why was _she_ apologizing?!

“You didn’t.” Miu assures her urgently. “It’s all me. I’m the one at fault.”

“Stop that!” Akamatsu begs, and Miu shuts her mouth immediately. “Stop blaming yourself! Listen… you… know I don’t feel the same. I think you do. But why should I yell at you for having _feelings_?”

Miu is so taken aback she has to grip the arm of the chair to steady herself.

“F-feelings… are wrong. Having feelings for someone who doesn’t like you back is creepy and wrong.” Miu chokes out quietly.

Akamatsu looks absolutely gutted. “Iruma… who taught you… to hate yourself so much?”

That ends up being the final straw. Miu chokes back tears.

“I-I… I never dated.” her voices trembles. “O-Only ever loved. I never learned how to make things work. No one has ever loved me… like I loved them.”

Something in Akamatsu’s expression changes- a small smile tugs at her lips. “Are you… sure about that?”

Miu doesn’t understand what she means.

“You don’t like me the same way. _Kiibo_ doesn’t like me the same way,” she doesn’t care that she revealed her crush on him to her, “so who even if there to care the same way?”

Akamatsu looks thoughtful for a moment. “Isn’t there anyone else that you love?” she prods. “Someone who has been there for you in your lowest moments?”

 _Kiibo,_ she thinks, but no, that couldn’t be right. Her lowest moments?

When she got her heart broken.

Right. Yes. Someone _was_ there, offering words of support. Someone who cared about her… like she cared about them…?

A warm smile. Shiny white hair. Rosy cheeks. Messy attire. Paint-spotted hands.

Those damn captivating blue eyes.

_Like… I… care about them…?_

A bright laugh that warms her chest. Smooth hands that grip hers. Nights spent watching crappy movies, basking in the presence of the other.

The fondness that she has reserved for _her,_ and only _her._

The way she makes her feel…

_She makes me feel…_

_She…_

Miu has a revalation.

“Holy fucking shit.”

Akamatsu grins. Miu gets to her feet in an instant, her world spinning around her.

“I have to go right fucking now.”

Miu darts towards the screen door as Akamatsu flashes her a peace sign. Just as the inventor is out of earshot, the pianist murmurs to herself.

“Go get her.”

//

Miu runs around in a frenzy, asking every person she meets along the way if they’d seen a certain girl. No one has answers. God fucking damn it. Not even Shirogane, who had been with her earlier. Useless.

The party crowd is thinning considerably, and Miu notices a few familiar faces gone.

She makes it to the door of an upstairs bedroom, and flings the unlocked door open, to reveal that who she’s looking for isn’t inside.

Also, Kiibo and Amami kissing heavily.

Kiibo instantly panics and pushes the barely coherent Amami away, face flushed a deep red.

“IRUMA!” he screams, voice cracking hilariously, “P-please knock next t-time…!”

“Whatever!” she yells, barely phased at the display before her. “Either of you seen Angie?!”

Amami simply, completely unphased, shrugs and directs her towards Chabashira and Yumeno, who he’d last seen with the artist. He doesn’t seem embarrassed by Miu’s entrance, while Kiibo freaks out from where he sits on the edge of the bed, Amami’s leg between his, standing in front of him.

Miu nods gratefully to him. “Right, thanks, Amami!” before she dashes away, she adds, “and congrats on this!”

Amami shoots her a thumbs up while Kiibo screams again. Miu slams the door shut and speeds down the stairs, spotting Chabashira and Yumeno, who are lounging on the couch. Yumeno is draped across the other girl’s lap, fast asleep, while she strokes her hair. Miu’s arrival is loud and sudden prompting Chabashira to glare angrily before she notices the urgency on Miu’s face.

“What’s-“

“Shut-” she heaves, “-the fuck up and tell me where Angie is.”

A look crosses Chabashira’s face, but she quickly nods, afraid of what would happen if she stalled any longer. “She just left a few minutes ago. Saying she was walking back home.”

“Fucking walki-“ Miu sputters, incredulous. “Okay, fucking shit, thanks Chabs, goodbye!” she yells too loudly, speeding out of the room and out of the house. Once she’s gone, Yumeno stirs awake.

“Nyeh…” she whispers groggily. “Is she…?”

Chabashira looks towards the door. “I… think she may be.”

Yumeno only smiles.

//

Luck is on her side for once- the second she steps outside, she notices Angie about to walk through the gate that they had driven through earlier. Miu runs as fast as she can down the paved road that leads down to the gate, and frantically calls out.

“ANGIE!”

The artist turns in shock toward the source, to see Miu hurtling towards her. She manages to stop herself in time, coming to a stop right in front of her as a panting and heaving mess.

“Miu?” Angie greets her tentatively. “Uhm… are you okay?”

“Fucking-“ she heaves, holding up a finger. “Gimme a minute here, let me- agh, fuck me…”

Bless her soul, Angie gives her a moment to collect herself. Finally able to talk, Miu stands up straight and takes a deep breath, before realizing…

…she _really_ hadn’t thought this through.

Now that Angie’s here in person, she wonders how exactly she never realized how in love with her she was.

Her dazzling blue eyes kill every admission and confession she can muster as they stare at her curiously. Miu swallows. She has to say _something._ No matter how patient Angie could be, even she wouldn’t wait forever.

So she finally forces it out.

“…I finally spoke to Akamatsu.” she begins, voice steady. “I… confessed.”

Something flickers in Angie’s eyes. “You… did?”

“Yeah. She rejected me, obviously… but we had a good talk about… my issues with love.” she chuckles. “Made me doubt everything I’ve ever known.”

Angie manages a smile. “That’s good to hear! Is Miu feeling better now?”

“Yeah…” she swallows. “M-more than ever. Because… she made me realize something else…”

Angie is silent.

So is Miu.

The two wait in a deadly quiet, except that Miu can hear her own heart pounding in her ears. Her lip trembles. Angie’s eyes are on her.

“She…” now or never. “…made me realize that I have someone else I like… someone who I care about…”

“…really?” Angie’s whispers. It’s not a question. She’s anticipating what’s about to happen. She doesn’t interrupt. She lets Miu do the talking.

“Yeah. Someone I… someone I hope cares about me as much as I care about them.”

She takes a step closer to Angie, who’s back nearly touches the brick wall next to the gate.

“Now I just have… one more question…”

Another step closer.

“…do…”

And another. They’re close now.

“…do they?”

Angie’s arms are already around Miu’s neck.

The inventor pushes up quickly against the artist, the latter’s back hitting the wall behind them as their lips connect in a deep kiss.

Miu’s _first_ kiss.

Her arms find their way around Angie’s waist as they get lost in each other, fireworks and explosions going off in Miu’s brain.

She’s kissing Angie Yonaga.

The artist has to stand on the tip of her toes to make up for the height difference, and Miu thinks it’s so fucking adorable that she might just scream. Her lips are soft- Miu expected no less, and she seems to have as much experience kissing as Miu, meaning _none_.

That’s fine.

Once they separate, Angie looks up at her with clouded and lidded blue eyes, and Miu immediately breaks into tears, crumbling onto the pavement as her body is wracked with sobs.

Angie goes down with her, holding both her hands in her own and pressing their foreheads together. Miu falls into her, and the artist wraps her arms around her while the inventor buries her head into her neck and lets the tears flow.

She sniffles, briefly separating so she can look at Angie, who’s eyes gleam. The sun begins to rise right at that moment- like it had been waiting for them all this time.

“…I do.” Angie finally replies. “I really do, I always have, I always will. I will show Miu everything she’s missed, everything she’s wanted all her life, all the love that people kept from her. Because Miu is worthy of it all.”

Miu starts crying again, more intensely this time, and she buries her face in Angie’s neck once more while the artist strokes her hair, murmuring sweet nothings.

Miu Iruma truly felt like she would _never_ get the hang of love.

Love was finnicky, messy, and hurtful. Love took everything you had and dangled it in front of your eyes, threatening to throw it all away.

Love had hurt her before. Love would hurt her again.

She would _never_ learn how to master it.

…but…

…with Angie by her side, she could at least try her very best.

**Author's Note:**

> 12,000 words and 55 pages later...
> 
> Kudos and comments are REALLY appreciated, I respond to everyone! I worked REAAALLY hard on this and I hope it's not selfish of me to want feedback :'''')


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